the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
