I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
