I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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