the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
