so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
