worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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