Will you blow on my dice?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
