Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
