Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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