Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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