How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
