glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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