..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
