Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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