i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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