I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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