having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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