Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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