dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
