Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
