no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You peed on a flamingo?!?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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