he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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