Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
