dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
