he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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