dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
