If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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