Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
