How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
