i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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