guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
