I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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