I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
