So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
