it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
