Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
