Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
