people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
