508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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