brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
