You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize