so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
