Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
