Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
