Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
