why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
