where am i from again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
