If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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