The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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