yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
