tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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