Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
