what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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