Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
