Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
