She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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