Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
