i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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