No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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