My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
