True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
