worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
