Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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