Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
