I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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