mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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