I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
