i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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