i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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