eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
