Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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