Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
