Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
