Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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