Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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