Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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