When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my liver is dry heaving
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
