just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
